We’ve all been there. We believe we’ve found our prince charming only to find that he turned out to be a snake instead. It happens all too often actually. If you recognize that the guy that you’re with is not good and you already left him but you’re scared that you might cave and just go back here are some steps you should follow before going back to a guy that is no good for you.
- Visually connect to the future that you will have if you go back to that situation. Visualize your life in the future. What would your future be like a year, 5, 10, 15 years from now? Think about what your life will be like physically, emotionally if you continue with this relationship and ask yourself how that will fit in with your dreams and goals. Focus on what your life would be like if you don’t change this.
- Make a public commitment to those you love most. Connect to people you love, you admire and those who respect you and express this new change. Why? Because if nobody heard you, you will just fall back to old habits. You will feel more pressure if you fail them not just yourself. This way you hold yourself accountable and they also hold you accountable so you are less likely to fall back to that old life.
- Block, Block Block! Facebook, email, instagram, phone, whatsapp etc… Now this is easier if you have no type of connection to the person, like children. But if this is a guy that you know you don’t have to see each other again in the future for any reason other than your own addictive nature than I urge you to take the courageous step by blocking them on every platform you have, every way that you can so you don’t have a constant reminder.
- Anticipate challenges. If you say to yourself “I’m doing all of this, therefore I’m never going to feel like i crave this person,” than you are being unrealistic. You can’t expect to clear yourself of an addiction overnight just because you say it is so. Understand that your not just craving him, your craving him not just because you love him but because you feel some level of addiction and attachment towards the relationship and that is not actually love. The problem becomes when you crave the person you can’t stop thinking about them. Sometimes you desire this person because you crave the intensity of the relationship in bad ways which may make you think that it is love. Know that there’s going to be times where you’re going to make excuses to see the person. You’ll say well I just need to give him this xyz therefore i need to see him again. Anticipate little things like this where you’ll start bull shitting yourself like this and making excuses on why you need to see them when there is no real reason to see them again. Stop telling yourself that there is. Stop making excuses and don’t do this to yourself. Do the brave thing. Instead of texting them find someone you can contact instead like a best friend or a mentor find a support system. Distract yourself.
- Create a larger, better identity for yourself. If you can do this you will be able to have a certain degree of power in doing so. If you create a new vision of what your life is an exciting vision for yourself it’ll wake you up in the morning thinking this is the type of person I want to become and there is no place for this type of bull shit in my life because this is the type of person that I am. This bad person is not part of this different identity of who I am who deserves greatness.
Bonus. Sometimes you can’t do it all by yourself.
Get help, a support group, mentorship, coaching, therapy, group of friends. Not for if things get challenging, but instead for when they get challenging.
You can absolutely let go of a toxic relationship and you don’t need to do it alone.